My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
