so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
