allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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