it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
