at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
