What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
