You don't have asthma, your pregnant
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
