This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
