I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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