You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
