I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
