And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
