I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
