Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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