Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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