soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
