As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This baby is an asshole
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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