If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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