okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
