I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
