We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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