so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
