I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
