I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
