Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
