no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
