We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
