cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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