I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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