I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
