if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She told me I should be a condom model.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
