Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize