I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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