The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
