so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
