One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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