so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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