I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
