Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
