Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
