im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize