I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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