Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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