I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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