I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
