i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
