His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
