"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
