Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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