too bad you live with your parents still
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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