guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
