in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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