Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
