Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
