i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
