i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
