everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
