I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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