he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
