I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
only if we run a train.
done.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
