from now on my penis is your penis
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
