I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
