so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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