I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
