Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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