I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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