I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
