Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
