So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
