It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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