I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
