oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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