It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
